Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
