Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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