terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
