My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
