I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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