sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
