So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
