I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
