I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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