dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
