Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
