idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i think im in europe. pls send help
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
