I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
