i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
