i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
