I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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