I wish life had little blips of pornography
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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