Pappa wants mamma naked
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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