Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
