you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the condom got lost in my hair
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
