at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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