so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
