apparently the secret to your success is patron
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
