Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
