you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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