I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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