today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
