if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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