i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
