Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
