oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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