Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
not ubering you a puppy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
