I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
