terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
