Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
