Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
