There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
