Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
