did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
