Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
