I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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