new low.... made out with someone while peeing
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
