Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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