I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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