I'm eating all of the evidence.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
