Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
