You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
