I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
