So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
