Me too!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
