I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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