why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
