I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
