I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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