Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
