make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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