My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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